


how do i tell you

by soonhan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Clubbing, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Lingerie, M/M, Masturbation, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Slice of Life, camboy!jeonghan, camboy!seokmin, camboy!soonyoung, fwb to lovers, soonhan are not at all monogamous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:11:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soonhan/pseuds/soonhan
Summary: Seokmin is a camboy. Other than that he thinks his life is pretty normal.





	how do i tell you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shoulders](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoulders/gifts).



> i am so sorry that this is beyond late but i really hope you like it!

Seokmin would say he lived a relatively normal life. Attending his classes at university during the week, bleary eyed and about as bushy-tailed as he could manage for seven in the morning. He would go grocery shopping every week to restock the mini fridge that occupied his cozy apartment kitchen- Jeonghan liked to call it that, though he knew it was just a polite way to say it was practically closet-sized. He would walk his dog Honey through his neighbourhood and bring her to a dog park not too far from where he lived, where he’d met a lot of other dog owners- and more importantly their dogs. A few times each month he would go out drinking with his friends and regret it the morning when he had to hand in a paper, a bottle of water in one hand and a jug of some smoothie that contained a generous amount of ginger in the other.

And every weekend, on a Saturday for the most part, he would have a shower, do his hair and makeup, and flick on the studio lights that were set up in his bedroom before going live on a website that most people would want cleared from their history before they died.

Seokmin would say that that was probably the part of his life that differed from the norm.

The thought occurred to him one Sunday morning while he was washing the toys he had used the night before in his bathroom sink, and he paused for a brief moment to laugh. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling while he set them out to dry, not exactly sure why he was so amused. After all, he wasn’t the only one he knew that was a sex worker.

His phone started to buzz, distracting him from his thoughts. It was Seungkwan messaging him about a get-together that night at a pretty popular club downtown, and luckily his class the next day had been cancelled. Seungkwan probably knew that already since it was one they had together, and he sent an enthusiastic reply letting him know he’d be there for sure.

He got a call at seven, and he tucked his phone under his chin while he zipped up his pants and buzzed his friends into the building. They were at his door a minute later and he let them in while trying to keep Honey back, holding out a few shirts and whining for them to help him pick one out for him to wear for the night. Since Seungkwan was leading the pack he was the first to grab the options and scrutinize them. Soonyoung was the next to come in, hand in hand with Jeonghan who was carrying in an armful of what were clearly pre-drink drinks. Jihoon brought up the rear, and he shut the door behind him while following Seungkwan to peruse the shirts he was looking through, humming thoughtfully as he looked between them and Seokmin.

In spite of his profession, being looked at like that by his friends still managed to make him avert his gaze shyly.

His eyes were drawn to where Jeonghan was opening up the excessive amount of bottles he’d brought while Soonyoung raided his cupboards for glasses, and he wondered if they ever felt the same way. Like him, they were also camboys, though unlike him they did it as a couple. And while Jihoon and Seungkwan weren’t aware, he hoped if they ever found out they would still stay friends with them. After all, they never seemed to complain when the three of them paid for another round of drinks or offered to buy them more food than most university students could probably afford.

“This one,” Seungkwan said, holding up a silky black shirt from the pile, pressing it against his chest with a triumphant grin. He faltered for a second, the tips of his fingers pushing into the muscle beneath just enough that Seokmin could feel it. Seokmin pretended not to notice the slight flush to Seungkwan’s cheeks as he reached up to take the shirt from him, pulling it on and buttoning it up slowly. He knew he was being a tease, but he almost couldn’t help himself. Force of habit was what he tacked it down to.

Working out kept his body limber and toned, which was essential for a professional, and he knew how good he looked because of it too- and even if he didn’t, his viewers never failed to let him know it.

For a fleeting moment he wondered if Jihoon or Seungkwan had ever stumbled across one of his streams, though that thought quickly sent him spiraling towards panic, and so he turned towards the kitchen to grab one of the glasses Jeonghan had just filled. He barely registered what Jeonghan told him it was, downing it quickly while Soonyoung whooped, pounding his fists on the counter in excitement.

Things went fast from there, and by the time Seokmin had finished his third drink he was starting to feel better, his laughter coming easily and loudly. With a final kiss to the top of Honey’s head, making her promise to watch over the apartment, they all headed out. He had his arm around Jihoon while they walked, and he wasn’t entirely sure who was supporting whom.

Jeonghan twirled his keys around his index finger as he went backwards down the hall, recording their drunken walk on his phone- Seokmin vaguely wondered whether it was for Snapchat or if he was streaming it live to his Twitter, but either way he leaned in and kissed Jihoon on the cheek. Had Jihoon been more sober, he probably would have thrown him off, but as it was he just cackled and threw up a peace sign for the camera.

Soonyoung had wrapped himself around Jeonghan’s waist, and if Jeonghan had been as tipsy as them Seokmin would have been worried that they would topple over, especially going down the stairs. But sober, Jeonghan handled Soonyoung as if it was the easiest thing in the world, making sure Soonyoung didn’t trip on his way out of the building.

When they all piled into Jeonghan’s car, Seokmin ended up squished between Jihoon and Seungkwan. Seungkwan was mumbling something into his shoulder, too rapidly and slurred for him to understand, and Jihoon leaned heavily into the door as the car started. Seokmin reached over him to lock it, and Jihoon patted him on the arm with a dazed, appreciative smile.

He smiled back and settled in his seat again, looking forward and catching Soonyoung’s hands trailing from his lap towards Jeonghan, and with a start he realized exactly what he was reaching for. Thankfully Jeonghan stopped him before he could even start to work his pants open as they were pulling out of the parking lot, much to Seokmin’s relief. Jeonghan shot Soonyoung a sharp look that was dulled by a quiet huff of laughter, and Soonyoung grinned back at him in response, settling his hand on his thigh instead.

The club wasn’t crowded when they arrived, since the night had only really begun. The dance floor was occupied by a few people, just a couple groups just milling about talking rather than dancing to the music. The bar, however, was much busier, and that was where they gravitated towards first. Seungkwan looped his arm around Jihoon’s waist and ordered them both drinks, and Seokmin came up behind them to place his order too. Soonyoung was trying to convince Jeonghan to drink with them too, despite Jeonghan being their designated driver.

Seokmin had seen this scene play out a hundred times. Soonyoung would pout, Jeonghan would give even though he was definitely planning to do it anyway, and then he’d end up out-drinking them all which would force them to take a cab home before he went back to get his car the next day. And no matter how many times they told him they could just take a cab there instead so he could drink with them, he would say he bought a car for a reason and that was the end of the argument.

Theirs was the type of group to lose track of time while they were together, even while sober. So when Seokmin turned away mid-conversation it was like the club was an entirely different place. The dance floor was crowded, nothing but a wave of hands thrown into the air and bodies moving in time with the beat of the music he could only just barely hear now. He felt the urge to join in, and with a quick swig to finish off his drink he pointed his thumb at the crowd and grinned at his friends before walking away. He felt two arms loop around his shoulders and Soonyoung and Seungkwan sandwiched him in as they made their way onto the floor, maneuvering as well as they could through the wall of people.

It didn’t take long for him to end up alone in the crowd since Soonyoung was stolen away by his boyfriend, and Jeonghan couldn’t resist giving Seokmin a passing pat on the ass as he dragged Soonyoung closer to the DJ. He wondered if tonight was one of those nights where he’d find them making out with one or more people in the bathroom later. Monogamy wasn’t exactly one of their strongest suits, and he figured it must have been either a coincidence or maybe even fate that brought the two of them together. Either way, they were happy and he wasn’t going to interfere.

As for Seungkwan he ended up going back to the bar after a few songs, and though he didn’t say it out loud Seokmin knew it was because he wanted to keep Jihoon company. Seokmin could see it through his joyful, red-cheeked smile while they danced together, because it would be hard to miss him looking over his shoulder every so often, clearly distracted. He let him go with a nudge in Jihoon’s direction, watching him rapidly make his way back before the crowd blocked him from view.

He didn’t mind dancing alone much, especially on nights he felt like getting lucky. And after a few drinks and a quick consideration, he decided he wouldn’t be opposed to it tonight. He shut his eyes with a smile and moved along to the rhythm like everyone else was, and before long he felt hands slide over his hips and then the solid warmth of someone pressed up against his back.

When he turned around he was face to face with one of the hottest strangers he’d ever seen at a club. He was tall and thin, with black hair that curved down to the nape of his neck and eyes coloured with a dramatic red shadow. He was wearing something that looked like latex on his legs with a loose flowing shirt, and Seokmin had the strong urge to run his hands all over him.

The stranger pulled him closer and, with Seokmin smiling up at him as a wordless go-ahead, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders as their bodies pressed together. The music hummed through their bodies, and for a while they just swayed to it, looking each other over with hungry eyes. Then the stranger’s fingers dug into him and he rolled his hips forward, looking to Seokmin to see if it was alright. Seokmin responded by running his tongue over his bottom lip and continuing to grind on him.

He’d heard from people in his chat that he had a smile that could charm the pants off of pretty much anyone he met, and he hoped that it was true with how things were currently going. The stranger was gravitating further and further into his space, and when their faces were only inches apart he finally spoke.

“I’m Minghao.” Just like that Seokmin was gone. He lurched forward and kissed him roughly, eagerly opening his mouth to let Minghao in when he kissed him back. Hands slipped into his shirt through his too-open collar, pressing flat to his chest. Minghao gasped against his lips and pulled back before leaning in again to whisper in his ear.

“My place or yours?” he asked, his lips brushing against Seokmin’s earlobe. Seokmin thought about his bedroom and his setup, plus the collection of toys, lubricants and outfits he had stashed away that would be easy to find if anyone got too curious. He wet his lips and pulled Minghao closer by his belt loops.

“Yours,” he replied, ghosting his mouth down the expanse of his neck. Minghao’s grip on his arms tightened, and then he was being pulled towards the entrance of the club. If he were looking at anything other than Minghao he probably would have searched for his friends to let them know he was leaving, but at that moment his mind was preoccupied with other thoughts.

They slipped into the back of one of the cabs that were waiting just outside, and Minghao leaned forwards to tell the driver his address before relaxing back in his seat. Seokmin felt his hand creep up his leg before curling around his inner thigh, and he dragged his tongue over his lower lip as he made eye contact with Minghao. His self-restraint was dangerously low, and with the look Minghao was giving him he didn’t know how much longer he was going to manage to keep his hands to himself in the backseat.

He must not have lived far, or Seokmin was really losing sense of time with him, because they were soon in the hallway leading to the bedroom, pushing each other up against the wall and kissing each other until they couldn’t breathe. Seokmin was left even more breathless when he found himself pressed down into the mattress, twisting his fists into the sheets and burying his face in the pillow.

Seokmin was left with enough marks to remember Minghao for days later. It led to some pretty interesting comments from his viewers.

***

It was around the sixth time it happened when things shifted in the pattern. Minghao pulled his head up from between Seokmin’s thighs, holding them steady while Seokmin shook through his orgasm, and as soon as he was aware enough to register speech Minghao opened his mouth.

“I hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, but is there a reason we never do this at your place?”

“Well, it’s kind of a mess at my place...” Seokmin explained, avoiding Minghao’s curious look. He heard him giggle and felt the bed shifted as he came up to lie beside him, resting his cheek against his palm.

“Is that all? I could help you clean up, I don’t mind.” Seokmin laughed, but his mind began to race. He knew it had already been a flimsy enough excuse as it was, but now he had nothing. If he was going to invite Minghao over he was going to need to hide all of his equipment and hope Minghao wasn’t the type to snoop around.

Things had gotten a lot softer than when they started- Minghao was gentler, going slower, drawing out their time together. And yet Seokmin could sense that there was still the desire to go back to that first night, maybe even go further than they had. Seokmin didn’t know how to tell Minghao that he had practically tried everything in the book when it came to sex, and that it was okay for him to ask to do anything he wanted to.

Minghao suddenly jumped up, startling Seokmin from his blissed out daze and simultaneous raging internal conflict. He watched him as he pulled clothes on frantically, snapping his head towards his bedroom door when he heard the sound of the front door being opened.

“Fuck, I forgot my roommate was done work now. Quick, throw these on,” he said, tossing a pair of sweatpants at him. Seokmin wasn’t sure if they were even his, but he tugged them on in a panic, forgoing underwear for the sake of getting decent as quickly as possible.

They exited the bedroom to find two people coming into the living area, though Seokmin swore Minghao had only mentioned one roommate. The two turned their attention away from each other when Seokmin and Minghao came in, their eyebrows going up as they looked between the pair.

“Ah, you brought Joshua,” Minghao said, his cheery tone undercut by his nervousness. The taller one nodded, and the longer he looked Seokmin over the more unnerved he became.

“We also brought home some pastries from the cafe. Mingyu made them fresh for us, and there should be enough for your friend too.” It was the other guy that spoke, and his voice was almost unnaturally gentle and quiet. It made Seokmin feel more at ease, some of the tension in his spine melting away. He assumed the taller guy was Mingyu, otherwise he was speaking in the third person.

“That sounds great! Um, this is Joshua and Mingyu,” Minghao explained to Seokmin, pointing first at the guy with the soft voice and then the tall one. Seokmin gave them a wide smile and a bow, and when he straightened back up Joshua had his hand over his heart and Mingyu was smiling back at him.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m his roommate and this is my boyfriend,” Mingyu said, returning the bow with a laugh, and Joshua hid his own laugh behind his hand. The uneasiness in the air dissipated, as if Mingyu’s silence had been holding it tightly in a vice only to release it as soon as he spoke. And though he still couldn’t shake the embarrassment of being topless in front of new people, it wasn’t hindering the easy friendliness between them.

Joshua opened the box he was holding and set it down on the coffee table before taking a seat beside Mingyu on the armrest of the easy chair. Mingyu’s hand came up to rest on his knee casually, and Seokmin watched it with a slight ache in his heart. Minghao motioned for him to sit down as well, and they took their spots on the loveseat adjacent to the couple. The box offered a silent invitation that was all too tempting and Seokmin took one of the pastries inside after a moment of restlessness. It looked flaky and it was still warm, and as he took his first bite he met Mingyu’s eyes, which curved up with a mixture of pride and joy when Seokmin hummed in delight.

“So, this is Seokmin, my-“ Minghao turned to him, holding out a hand and stopping as he struggled with what to say. Seokmin opened his mouth wordlessly, struck mute since he wasn’t even sure how to label them either.

“Fuckbuddy?” Joshua offered. It was a jarring word to hear coming from someone so soft-spoken, and Mingyu’s shoulders stiffened up in shock.

“Joshua!” he hissed, grabbing his arm. Joshua only laughed, giving Seokmin a somewhat apologetic smile. He gave him one back, though he could feel his cheeks starting to burn.

“I guess that is as good a word as any,” he admitted, meeting Minghao’s eyes. “We haven’t really discussed what it is we’re doing yet, I suppose.”

He caught a look of embarrassment flash across Minghao’s expression, and he knew the feeling was mutual. It wasn’t that he was worried about committing to Minghao, because he definitely liked him more than just for fooling around. He had realized that in the texts they exchanged between the times they saw each other to have sex and when they would talk afterwards as Seokmin was leaving. He was just worried Minghao was only interested in a casual relationship, and he would hate to scare him off.

“No need to label it if you don’t want,” Mingyu said, cutting the staring contest between them short. Seokmin only just met Mingyu and yet he felt like he owed him his life. He definitely hadn’t been prepared to jump into this conversation out of nowhere.

Minghao ducked his head and laughed, turning to look at Mingyu with a shy smile. For a moment Seokmin seemed to be observing some kind of telepathic conversation, with multiple expressions flashing across Mingyu’s face. He turned his attention to Joshua who was smiling sweetly at him, and he realized he was still holding his pastry up. He shoved it in his mouth to avoid having to talk and break whatever was happening between the two roommates and it made Joshua’s eyes crinkle up in amusement.

“Hey Seokmin,” Minghao said suddenly. Seokmin straightened up and swallowed quickly. “I’m sorry but I kinda made plans with Mingyu for when he was done work, so...”

Seokmin’s eyes widened. He stood up quickly and smiled wide at the three of them. He could take a hint, and he didn’t want to impose any longer than he had.

“Oh yeah, no, it’s fine! I’ll just go get my... stuff and head out,” he replied, stopping himself from saying clothes out loud. Despite the fact that Joshua and Mingyu definitely knew the nature of his visits it still felt weird to say having just met them.

Minghao followed him to the door once he had changed and grabbed his things, his hand circling around Seokmin’s wrist as he was about to walk through the door.

“I hope you don’t think I’m kicking you out,” he said, his wide eyes looking up at him. Considering it was only the sixth time they’d actually met, Seokmin believed him a bit too easily. It just wasn’t in him to look for the bad in others.

“Of course. And about the fuckbuddy thing, I hope you don’t think...” he replied, chewing the inside of his cheek. Minghao’s doll-like eyes widened even more, and the grip on Seokmin’s arm tightened.

“We can talk about it later, don’t worry. See you soon I hope?” There was a vulnerability to his words, and it nearly broke Seokmin’s heart to hear it. He cursed his hair-trigger tear ducts, because he could already feel them starting to water.

“Of course, I’ll see you as soon as you want,” he replied. The brilliance of Minghao’s smile only served to weaken the dam holding back his tears, and he tipped through the crack in the doorway to kiss him before he broke down right then and there.

Minghao saw him off with a wave, the tips of his fingers tracing his lips as he watched Seokmin’s retreating form.

***

Casual wasn’t going to work for him.

Not with him thinking about Minghao’s fingers inside him in the middle of a show, about how similar they were in length and thickness, how deep he could reach. He tipped his head back and ran his hand over his throat, letting out a low, deep moan as it travelled down to his chest and over his nipple through the fabric of his t-shirt. He never wanted anyone but Minghao to touch him again. The thought scared him. It excited him a lot more.

He whimpered loudly, bucking his hips into the air. He could imagine it so easily, knowing exactly how Minghao would touch him and it made him practically shake at the fantasy.

He was glad he chose lace to wear today, because he was already so wet without even touching himself, and he knew he was going to have to get changed as soon as he was done. Cum was so hard to get out of silk. He pushed his fingers in deeper, spread them wider, catching Minghao’s name just before it slipped off his tongue.

He lifted his shirt up and bit down on it to hold it up, arching his body for the camera that he realized he had been neglecting. When he cracked open one eye he saw the chat flashing by rapidly, requests and compliments catching his attention for only a second before they disappeared. The thought that Minghao could be one of them, a viewer hidden in anonymity asking him to do filthy things for him, made his mind swim. His chest heaved with a shuddering breath, and he finally pulled his fingers out to reach for the toy that had been waiting patiently for him.

“Are you all ready?” he asked, letting the hem of the shirt hang on his lip. He surprised himself with how rough his voice sounded. Dozens of comments screamed their approval, and with a grin he grabbed the lube and made sure the toy was well prepped, exaggerating the stroke of his hand over the shaft.

He pushed his panties aside rather than pulling them down, and it slid in too easily. Memories of Minghao pushing into him came to his mind, his slim but solid frame hovering over him while he hissed in pleasure. His face pressed into his neck, breathing hard into his skin, too warm but nothing compared to the heat that seared within Seokmin. He fought himself from putting it in quickly, drawing it out for the camera, his legs shaking from the position he was in. He thought about Minghao using the toy on him, and like that his mind was gone. His hips pushed down onto it hard, and he lifted one leg onto the bed as he arched back, biting down hard on his shirt. It was so deep inside him and it felt so good.

Once he felt he was getting close he slowed down again, allowing himself to lie on his back and push the toy in and out so he felt each drag of the head inside of him. The mantra in his head was a repetition of Minghao’s name, and slower, slower, but never slow enough. He finished with his hand barely brushing over his own cock, coming onto his stomach with an elongated groan that morphed into a whine as it ended. He let himself breathe deeply a couple times before pulling out and sitting up, the shirt falling from his mouth and sticking to the sweat that covered his chest.

A wall of praise scrolled by in the chat, and he thanked everyone for their donations and kind words, giving everyone a wave and a huge smile. He finally turned off the stream and slumped back onto the bed, covering his face with his hands.

“What the fuck,” he mumbled into his palms. He was so very fucked, and in more ways that one.

***

Seokmin hesitated with his thumb over the call button, wondering if this was really something he needed to bother them with. He grit his teeth and pressed it, holding it up to his ear while his stomach tried to eat itself. It rang for a long time, and when Jeonghan finally picked up Seokmin knew something was off right away. Jeonghan’s voice was too far away, and there were muffled sounds in the background. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead with one hand.

“Hello?” came Jeonghan’s voice again, punctuated with what was definitely the sound of Soonyoung moaning behind someone’s hand.

“Are you having sex with Soonyoung right now?” he asked, even though he knew the answer already. Jeonghan laughed, and there was some shuffling on the other end before he spoke again.

“No.”

Seokmin sighed, wondering whether or not he should just hang up. He decided to at least say goodbye.

“I can call later if you’re busy,” he said, crossing his legs underneath him and picking at a loose thread on the hem of his pants. Soonyoung gasped into his ear and he hated how hot he found it. He didn’t have time for anything like that right now.

“No, it sounds urgent. What’s up, Seokminnie?” With how sincere he sounded, Seokmin could almost forget that right now he probably had Soonyoung spread out beneath him, desperately trying to keep quiet while Jeonghan fucked him senseless.

“At least tell me you aren’t live right now,” he groaned, leaning over his desk to rest his chin on his arm. He set his phone down and put them on speaker, which was probably a terrible idea that hit him only after the fact, but he made no move to bring it back up to his ear. Jeonghan hummed, staying quiet for far too long than he was comfortable with.

“I promise,” he said at last with a laugh. Seokmin didn’t believe him for a second. “You just caught us in the middle of something.”

“Sure sounds like it.” Seokmin looked up at the ceiling, wrinkling his nose when Jeonghan cursed under his breath. “You two are certainly are masters at multitasking.”

“Enough chitchat. What’s wrong?” Seokmin thought of how to start off, ignoring Jeonghan’s request for Soonyoung to spread his legs more and instead trying to remember the mental argument he’d had with himself just a little while ago.

“I want to tell Minghao about what I do,” he said, testing the thought out loud. Actually saying it felt strange, but it also felt good to finally let it out.

“Okay. And are you asking for our blessing?” Jeonghan asked, talking over Soonyoung crying out his name.

“Very funny, I’m calling to get your opinion on it. Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“Yeah- No, lower.”

“What?” Seokmin furrowed his brow, tilting his head at his phone.

“Not you.” Seokmin could almost hear his smirk and he turned to his computer with a frown. The homepage of their cam site loaded quickly, and sure enough he saw a familiar name in the “NOW LIVE” section.

“You’re awful, what is the chat saying about this?” he asked, clicking on the video and waiting for it to inevitably load.

“I don’t know, we’re too far to read it now. But if they care about us they’ll stay for anything, right?” It popped up just in time for him to see Jeonghan face the camera and wink, Soonyoung basically spread-eagle beneath him while he clawed at the hand that was pressed firmly over his mouth. The chat was sending them a multitude of hearts and supportive messages that of course they would no matter what, and Seokmin wondered how Jeonghan managed to have so many people tied around his little finger. For the second time during their call, he considered hanging up. And for the second time, he chose not to.

Letting out another defeated sigh he lied his cheek flat on the surface of his desk, closing his eyes to try and ignore the surreal reality that he was currently getting dating advice from two of his best friends while they were fucking live on camera.

“But what if he hates me? What if he gets jealous? What if he’s disgusted by me?”

“He’d find out eventually. You can’t avoid telling him forever, so I think it’s better to find out sooner rather than later whether or not he’ll be a judgy prick about you being a sex worker.” As much as Seokmin hated to hear it, Jeonghan was absolutely right.

It only made things worse. The possibility that their line of work might disgust Minghao made a sharp pain shoot through his heart. He really liked him, more than just someone he slept with. He’d considered asking him out on a date so many times only to chicken out, and now he just doubted himself more. He really hoped Minghao wasn’t that type of person, but if he was, then Seokmin was going to hold onto him for just a little while longer.

He would wait. Even if it only hurt him even more in the end.

***

It had only been a couple days since Minghao had last seen Seokmin and his fingers were already itching to text him to come over again. The restlessness wasn’t unnoticed by Mingyu, who must have had eyes on the back of his head for him to see Minghao staring obsessively at his phone while he was looking through the fridge. That or they really did have some sort of mental connection, which- while a lot of people liked to joke about it -, was starting to feel more and more like the reality.

“Just message him, what are you waiting for?” Mingyu asked, bumping the door closed with his hip and turning around to lean on it with his arms crossed. Minghao pushed his bottom lip out and lifted his eyes to the ceiling. What was he waiting for?

“Well, I mean it’s only been like two days since we last saw each other. Should I give it more time?” he asked. He wasn’t exactly the most knowledgeable about the protocol for friends with benefits, but he felt like too often would be too clingy. Even if he wanted to see Seokmin again right then.

“I don’t know why you’re asking me, that’s not really my forte.”

Just then Joshua entered the kitchen, a too big shirt hanging on his frame that was definitely Mingyu’s and also definitely a large on him as well. He paused in the entranceway and looked between them, sensing the emotion of the room.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Minghao groaned. They might as well bring a panel of judges in to discuss his problems. As long as he didn’t have to figure it out by himself.

“Minghao’s trying to work out how long he should wait between booty calls,” Mingyu explained, not without a glare from Minghao. He stuck his tongue out at him in response, and before it could escalate any more childishly, Joshua came over and blocked Mingyu from view, leaning on the island and looking Minghao directly in the eyes.

“Are you thinking about calling him over for sex?”

The question threw Minghao off. What else would he be asking Seokmin over for? And yet even as the thought went through his mind he knew that it wasn’t just that. He looked back at Joshua and parted his lips, wetting them and furrowing his brows before speaking.

“No.”

There was a loud exasperated sigh from behind Joshua, and Mingyu leaned to the side so Minghao could see him rolling his eyes.

“I could have told you that. We all know you’re too much of a romantic to have a relationship like that.”

As annoying as it was being read so easily, he was grateful that Mingyu and Joshua were there to help clear up the doubt he felt. He’d never had a relationship like this before, and as nice as it was he had been feeling like something was missing. Maybe it was all the rom-coms poisoning his mind, or maybe he just wasn’t suited to the friends with benefits lifestyle. Either way he knew he wanted something more with Seokmin than they had now.

“I don’t know if I can just ask him out on a date though,” he admitted quietly.

“Well, it sounds like you’re ready to move on to the next step. How about a double date? Just tell him that all of us want to hang out and he’s welcome to join. It would be a good way to test the water,” Joshua offered.

Mingyu practically ran to Joshua, delicately lifting his face into a kiss that could easily rival the ones from any of the romantic movies Minghao had watched. Joshua’s hand came up between them, resting against Mingyu’s chest, his eyes wide in surprise. When Mingyu pulled away he was grinning like a fool, and Joshua looked dumbstruck.

“You’re amazing.” Joshua ducked his head at the compliment, letting out a breathless laugh.

Just seeing them made Minghao yearn for something more. He wondered if Seokmin would ever kiss him that way, if they would ever reach a point like that in their relationship. Whatever their relationship was.

He picked up his phone and let his thumbs fly across the screen, and only when he set his phone down did he realize he’d been holding his breath. His invitation had been put out there, and when he saw his message go from _Delivered_ to _Read_ he knew there was no way to take it back. Finally, the bubble popped and Seokmin’s reply left his fingers buzzing and his heart humming.

**I’d love to go out sometime, just tell me when!**

***

It wasn’t anything fancy by any means: just some pizza in a cozy little shop Mingyu recommended and a walk by the river at sunset. Sunset suited Seokmin, Minghao thought. It was warm, breathtaking and glowed so softly but brightly, just like him. He wondered if it was too cheesy to say out loud, but from the way Seokmin’s cheeks reddened when he did told him that Seokmin didn’t think so. And for once that night, Seokmin didn’t know what to say in return.

By the time they had hit dusk they might as well have been on two separate dates. Seokmin and Minghao were walking far enough ahead that Joshua and Mingyu couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but they could see how close their faces were getting. So all things considered, everything was going to plan.

“They’re so cute,” Joshua said, curling his hand around the inside of Mingyu’s elbow. “I hope they get over this whole benefits only relationship that they both think the other wants.”

Mingyu hummed softly, watching as Seokmin threw his head back. He could hear his laugh even from this far back, and Minghao was smiling so fondly at him Mingyu could have cried.

“Do you think we were ever that oblivious?”

“Well maybe you were, I thought I made my intentions very clear ever since we met.” Joshua laughed and hit Mingyu’s chest with the back of his hand. Mingyu just stared at him incredulously.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I flirted with you like right away,” Joshua said, smiling at him fondly.

“I thought you were just being nice...” Mingyu replied, his voice soft and sheepish. Joshua squeezed his arm and leaned up to kiss him on the corner of his mouth, but Mingyu turned to meet him full-on. It was sweet, he was always sweet, and Joshua almost didn’t want to stop kissing him. When they pulled apart Mingyu was flushed and Joshua was grinning, and Seokmin and Minghao had gotten even further ahead.

“Should we catch up to them?” Mingyu asked, reaching down to lace his fingers with Joshua’s. He watched them disappear around the bend, just managing to see Minghao bump Seokmin’s shoulder before they were gone.

“And interrupt the lovebirds? No, I think they’ve forgotten we even tagged along anyway.” Joshua shook his head and chuckled, starting to walk at the same languid pace they had been before. Mingyu fell into step with him, running his thumb along the knuckles of Joshua’s hand.

“I hope they can work this out.” Joshua hummed in response, a pleased and thoughtful noise.

“I don’t think we have to worry about that much,” he said, pointing ahead. Mingyu followed the line of his finger and gasped when he saw what Joshua was showing him. They had finally rounded the corner and further ahead of them, at the base of a large blossoming tree, Seokmin and Minghao were locked in a tight embrace, kissing like it was the last time they would ever get to do it.

As they watched, the two finally pulled apart, still looking as though they’d forgotten anyone else in the world existed beyond them. Joshua rested his head on Mingyu’s shoulder, sighing dreamily.

“Yeah,” Mingyu said after a pause. “Looks like they figured it out.”

***

They couldn’t stop texting each other from then on. Waking up to a “good morning!” text had become the norm, and Seokmin’s heart was taking to it far too easily. When Minghao sent heart-filled stickers in reply to his compliments he found himself pressing his face into Honey’s fur, grinning so wide it almost hurt.

“He’s perfect,” he mumbled with saccharine wistfulness, making Honey turn and sniff him excitedly. He pulled back to stare at the text again, feeling his heart flip once more and she took the opportunity to worm her way onto his lap and roll over. He rubbed her stomach as he replied, sending back an equally lovey sticker with buzzing fingers.

Things with Minghao were so good. They’d talked about practically everything with each other, to the point that Seokmin had nearly told him about his secret several times. Although every time he tried he changed his mind. There was still lingering fear, that in spite of everything he knew about Minghao he still wasn’t sure he’d be alright with what he did for a living.

It was the one thing gnawing away at the total happiness he felt with him.

There was also the recurring thought that Minghao wanted to go further with him than they already had.

There was a buzz and his phone lit up, and the text he received was from Minghao, unsurprisingly. He was letting Seokmin know he was headed to class and that he’d text him later, accompanied by a few hearts. In a surge of confidence, Seokmin decided that once he came back he’d ask him about their sex life.

It didn’t take long for that confidence to waver, and as the hour of Minghao’s class ticked on, Seokmin’s mind told him to turn back on the decision.

And then he got a text. Minghao was done. And in a feat of impulse and panic, Seokmin asked him if there was anything he wanted to try in the bedroom.

Several minutes passed, and they felt like eons. Seokmin was barely breathing, running his fingers through Honey’s fur rapidly and repetitively. Finally the three dots popped up and Seokmin felt his heart rate spike.

**Not sure what prompted this. But yeah, actually.**

Fear was instantly replaced with curiosity. He had been right in his assumptions, but now he needed to know what Minghao was into.

**Like what?**

Honey pushed at his hand, and he realized he had stopped petting her. Minghao started typing, and then he stopped, and then started again. Seokmin let out a soft laugh, continuing to pet Honey when she rolled over to have her stomach rubbed. His mind started to spiral into different fantasies as each kink and fetish floated into his brain. It was taking Minghao a while to answer, and Seokmin wet his lips in anticipation.

Heat sizzled down his spine when he finally got a text, mixed with a bubble of joy. A thousand scenarios ran through his mind immediately, while the thought of how lucky he was danced beneath them all.

**Well, I really like lingerie...**

***

Seokmin ran his thumb against the inside of the stocking, smoothing it over his thigh and worrying his lip as he looked up at himself in the mirror.

“It’s fine, you’ll be fine...” he told himself, letting go to brace himself on the edge of the sink. Minghao was probably wondering what was taking him so long at this point, and so with one last deep breath and a final look in the mirror he turned towards the door.

His breath was stuck in his lungs as he entered the room, and he closed his eyes. There was a quiet inhale from Minghao, and a squeak from the springs in the mattress. He opened his eyes tentatively and Minghao was staring back, his eyes as wide as saucers, sitting on the edge of the bed with his fingers curled into the sheets.

“Wow, you really went all out didn’t you?” His question didn’t come across as condescending from his tone, but Seokmin suddenly doubted himself. He tugged at the hem of his slip, wishing he’d left a few pieces of the set back at home.

“Is it too much?”

“God no, you look perfect.” Minghao was on his feet instantly, pulling Seokmin closer to him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from his body, marveling at how nice he looked in lingerie. It was like it was made for him.

“It almost seems a shame to take it off,” he said, running his finger under the strap of the slip.

“We don’t have to...” Seokmin mumbled, gripping Minghao’s forearms gently. He rubbed circles into his skin, avoiding his eyes as his cheeks started to burn.

“Fuck, really? But it’ll get dirty.” God Seokmin hoped so. He wanted to tell him he had cleaned it plenty of times before now, but instead he just shook his head and laughed.

“I don’t mind,” he replied, easing himself into the headspace he used for performances. He wasn’t going to act for Minghao, because god knows he didn’t have to, but his nerves about doing this sort of thing outside a show was starting to get to him. “Maybe I want to have a reminder of tonight...”

There was a catch in the next breath Minghao took, and he finally stopped staring at his body to meet his eyes. He looked so worked up already, and Seokmin barely had time to react before he was pushed onto the bed.

He felt teeth against his throat, hands running over the fabric of his slip, and Minghao’s knees braced themselves on either side of his hips. Seokmin stared up at him, his head already swimming pleasantly, clouded with thoughts of just Minghao.

Long, delicate fingers toyed with the outline of his cock through his panties, and he let out a low groan in response. He felt Minghao’s body tense above him, around him, and the hand pressed down firmly so he was gripping Seokmin through the fabric.

“Fuck,” Seokmin whined, tipping his head to the side and thrusting up against his palm. He could feel his entire body flushing, warmth spreading across his chest and further down, all the way to the tips of Minghao’s fingers.

“These flimsy things,” Minghao muttered, running his hand down from Seokmin’s cock and pushing his underwear aside to brush his fingers over his hole, biting his lip with a grin when Seokmin shuddered.

“You want me to fuck you?” he asked, a low purr in Seokmin’s ears. This was nothing like their first night, Seokmin mused. No, this was much much worse. He nodded, trying to spread his legs and push down on Minghao’s fingers, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. Minghao watched it with dark eyes, looking everything like he wanted to eat Seokmin alive.

Suddenly Minghao slid back and bit into Seokmin’s inner thigh, and he yelped and jumped up into Minghao’s mouth. It only stung for a moment before he felt the hot drag of Minghao’s tongue across it. And then Minghao was gone, his lithe frame retreating from Seokmin to the bedside table. Seokmin ran his eyes over the lines of his back, watching his shoulder shift for only a second as Minghao turned and showed him what he’d gotten up to get. The bottle of lube Minghao shamelessly kept out in plain view was one Seokmin had grown to know quite well over their nights together, but tonight it made his stomach clench more intensely than it ever had.

Minghao came back over and moved Seokmin further up the bed, lifting his knees up and spreading them to settle between his thighs. His thumb pressed into the spot he had bitten which caused the faint sting to resurface, and he maintained eye contact with Seokmin as he poured lube into his hand. It was like Minghao went in slow motion, Seokmin watching with a baited breath as Minghao coated his fingers.

The first stretch seemed to come after an eternity with Minghao toying his fingers just on the edge and watching Seokmin squirm beneath him, a lazy grin on his face. Seokmin’s hand shot out to grip Minghao’s wrist once he finally pushed in, gasping for air and the semblance of Minghao’s name. Minghao didn’t stop, and Seokmin didn’t want him to either, simply pushing in until he reached the knuckle.

Minghao took his time working up to a second finger, relishing in the loud whines and moans Seokmin let out.

He rolled his hips slowly, not wanting to hurt Minghao’s hand, but also enjoying the drag of Minghao’s fingers inside him. The warm, wet slide was making his mind weak. It was almost torturous how slow Minghao was going, but all Seokmin could think about was how he wanted to do it all night just like that. Maybe it was just because it was someone else’s hand, or maybe it was Minghao himself, but Seokmin had never been more turned on by being fingered than he was now.

He reached out for the bottle of lube that was beside his thigh and popped the cap, pouring way more than he needed onto his fingers before reaching between his thighs. Minghao watched him, a quirk to his brow the only question he posed, and Seokmin answered by slipping one of his own fingers in alongside Minghao’s.

“Shit, Seokmin…”

They moved out of sync, but it felt too good for either of them to care. Seokmin had to stop himself from grinding down, worried that he might end up breaking one or both of their hands. It made his thighs shake, and he felt Minghao massage one of them with his other hand, going between gentle touching to tightly gripping the tensed muscle. Seokmin let out a high whimper and Minghao scratched down the length of his thigh, hard enough that Seokmin wondered if he had wrecked his stockings, before leaning down to press his lips to Seokmin’s and swallow his moans.

“Enough,” Seokmin whined, tugging them both out of him. Minghao pulled back so he was sitting on his heels, quick to understand what Seokmin wanted. He pulled his shirt off before working open his belt, and Seokmin propped himself up to help him slide his jeans down, meeting his eyes as he did so.

Seokmin knew what it was like to be wanted, but Minghao made it feel so different. A stranger telling him how sexy he looked wasn’t anywhere close to how deeply desired he felt with Minghao’s unwavering gaze on him. When he finally stripped Minghao of his underwear and Minghao’s hands pushed his shoulders flat against the bed, his eyes never leaving Seokmin’s face, he felt a blazing fire inside him that he’d never known before. He wondered if he could come from Minghao just looking at him. It certainly felt like he could.

There was a sudden friction as Minghao ground down on him, sliding the head of his cock against his ass. Seokmin’s mouth opened soundlessly, almost desperate enough to let Minghao fuck him right there. Instead he reached down and wrapped his hand around his cock, and Minghao lifted his hips away from his ass.

Seokmin ran his thumb over the head, spreading the pre-cum that had started to bead there and using it to make the strokes down his shaft slicker. He looked up at Minghao and felt the air drain from his lungs. His eyes were dark and dangerous, and above all he could see the unbridled desire in them. He wanted Seokmin badly, even when he had him at his mercy.

Minghao grabbed the lube and popped it open again, stopping Seokmin’s hand so he could coat his palm before letting him continue. He gasped and cursed when he did, rolling his hips up into Seokmin’s hand and until his voice was practically a growl.

“Seokmin,” he breathed. “It’s so good... But I bet you feel even better, please...”

He couldn’t wait any longer. With one final stroke Seokmin lined Minghao up and he wasted no time pushing into him. Immediately Seokmin lifted his legs to wrap them around Minghao’s waist, pulling him in closer and feeling Minghao’s cock push deeper into him. It was so good, too good, and he almost forgot how to breathe.

Minghao’s face pressed into his neck, his hips flush against his ass while he rolled his hips into him, arms looping around Seokmin’s shoulders. It was like he couldn’t get close enough to him.

“You’re so hot,” he mumbled against his skin, mouthing down his neck and nipping at his shoulders. He slid the strap of his slip down, sucking hard on his collarbone. Seokmin hissed, half out of pain, and arched up into Minghao. “I can’t believe you wore this for me...”

He started to pull out nearly all the way before pushing back in, a mixture of slow and quick thrusts, still controlled in spite of how close Seokmin knew they both must be. It wasn’t going to last much longer if they kept it up, and they both knew it.

“Hold on,” Minghao said, untangling himself from Seokmin and leaning back on his heels again. He lifted Seokmin’s hips up onto his lap and started to move his hips again, raking his eyes over Seokmin’s body. “Stay just like that.”

Seokmin felt himself flush, but he obeyed Minghao and stayed lying on the bed. He even lifted his arms so one was beneath his head and another was above it, arching his body and tilting his head slightly to the side. He never took his eyes of off Minghao, letting his tongue slide over his bottom lip in a way that got so many before him worked up.

“Christ...” Minghao moaned, eyes drawn to Seokmin’s mouth. His arms flexed around Seokmin’s thighs, pulling them higher so he could be in just as deep as he had been before, and then throwing his head back. Seokmin’s eyes drew over the line of his neck, completely taken with the image of Minghao stretched before him.

“Seokmin, I’m so close,” he panted. Seokmin could feel him throbbing and tightened his thighs around his waist.

“Then come,” he whispered. Minghao looked at him again, his eyes wide and desperate. The grip on Seokmin’s thighs tightened, and with a final shout Minghao came, face relaxing in a look of pure bliss.

His hips kept moving through his orgasm, his groans rough and loud, until he finally had to pull out. Seokmin whimpered, but before he had a chance to even move Minghao pushed himself back and spread Seokmin’s thighs. For a second Seokmin was confused but the feeling of Minghao’s tongue against his ass banished every thought from his mind. He instinctively covered his mouth, biting down on his index finger while doing nothing to muffle himself.

It wasn’t long before he came too, pushing himself down onto Minghao’s tongue with a long drawn-out whine, and in the very back of his mind he was impressed that Minghao continued to fuck him open through the wild bucking of his hips. Finally, Minghao climbed back onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Seokmin, the both of them breathing heavily.

Every few minutes Seokmin would shake again, as if Minghao was still inside him. Once Minghao had calmed down enough he lifted himself up and clucked his tongue, looking at the state Seokmin’s lingerie was in. A mix of their cum had stained his slip and panties, though a great deal more was from Seokmin. He helped Seokmin take them off and moved them to the dresser, and then he came back to the bed and moved them under the covers.

“That’s a shame, those were really nice,” he hummed, throwing his arm over Seokmin’s chest.

“I’ll bring them to the cleaners or something,” Seokmin replied, and Minghao gave him a strange look before laughing. It wouldn’t be the first time Seokmin did it, not that Minghao knew that.

“Thanks, by the way,” Minghao mumbled, pressing his face into the pillow and looking up at Seokmin. His cheeks were a soft pink, though that could have been residual from the sex. “I hope you don’t think I’m weird for it.”

“Of course not! I really liked it too.” Minghao smiled shyly before leaning up to kiss him gently. Seokmin could feel the adoration through it, and it made warmth spread through his chest.

Seokmin traced the loop of Minghao’s tattoo, his mind racing a mile a minute. There was no use putting it off anymore. And in that moment, it was now or never.

“Do you want to come to my place next time?” Minghao’s sleep-filled eyes cleared and, with a smile that did a lot to tug at Seokmin’s heart, he nodded.

***

Considering Soonyoung and Jeonghan were the only friends he could talk about this sort of thing with- since if they couldn’t talk about it after having actually had sex together it would be a little hypocritical-, they were the first he went to.

“I told him to come to my place.” He forgot hellos and how are yous, skipping ahead to the only thing on his mind. Soonyoung was standing in the doorway, staring at him dumbly. He took a moment to register what Seokmin had just said to him before his eyes widened and he ushered him in quickly, looking around outside the apartment unnecessarily before shutting and locking the door.

“Did I hear Seokminnie’s voice?” Jeonghan called from further in, and Seokmin saw him emerge from the kitchen holding a big bowl, his face dirtied with what looked to be batter. His smile faded when he saw Seokmin’s expression, replaced with a tender concern.

The three of them gathered in the living room, Seokmin sandwiched between the couple with his hands held by the both of them.

“So you’re going to tell him?” Jeonghan asked, using his gentlest “no judgment” voice. Soonyoung nodded along in encouragement, and Seokmin felt like he was going to cry. Not that it ever took much.

“I’m terrified,” he admitted, laughing even though he didn’t mean to. He needed to do it eventually, but he was so scared of what Minghao’s reaction would be. No reaction could be as bad as a bad one, and he couldn’t even fathom a good one at the moment. He wanted to just forget about it for a little while, but it was impossible not to think.

“I’ll fight him myself if he says anything hurtful,” Soonyoung said, his nose crinkling and eyebrows furrowing. It wasn’t very intimidating, but it made Seokmin smile in spite of everything. Jeonghan smiled at Soonyoung from across Seokmin, lacing their fingers over Seokmin’s clasped hands.

“There’s no need for that, my love,” he said, saccharine and soft, before looking back at Seokmin.

He was seriously about to cry. Everything he’d built up with Minghao and he was about to ruin it all.

A hand snaked its way around his middle, and Jeonghan pressed up closer to him, his nose pressing into his hair. Soonyoung’s hand started to stroke through it as well, brushing it back from his forehead in long, soothing strokes.

Eventually he found himself lying down across their laps, his head in Soonyoung’s and his legs over Jeonghan’s. He could feel himself getting tired, residual tears making it hard to keep his eyes open. And eventually, he gave in, letting the soft hum of the central air lull him to sleep. He slept without remembering his dreams, and he was grateful. He wasn’t sure he trusted his brain to provide anything peaceful all things considered.

He woke up slowly, still half-asleep, and heard soft voices as if they were miles away. He remembered where he was, though he wasn’t where he had been when he closed his eyes. He opened one eye to see that he was in Soonyoung and Jeonghan’s bedroom, and the door was open slightly.

“I know you’re worried, but after everything he’s told us I think they’ll be fine.”

Jeonghan.

“And what if Minghao turns out to be an asshole? We’ve met our fair share of those, and we thought they would be alright with it at first.”

Soonyoung.

They were talking about him. His sleep-addled brain only partly comprehended what he was hearing, but he could feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes again.

“We’re a complicated case, you know that. And we’re lucky that Seokmin is who he is, not a lot of people are as accepting as him. Which is why I think anyone that loves him has to be at least half as good as him.”

Seokmin rolled over, rubbing his hands over his eyes while the corners of his mouth twitched up. His heart felt warm, comforted by the reality that no matter what his friends cared deeply about him, and would do so much to make him happy.

“I don’t think anyone could be as good as Seokmin.” There was a smile in Soonyoung’s words now.

“Not even me?” Seokmin laughed quietly, pressing the tips of his fingers to his lips as his smile grew. Jeonghan was always going to be Jeonghan.

“Jeonghan, you’re good in your own ways. Very very good.” And Soonyoung would always be Soonyoung.

There was the sound of an impact and Seokmin’s eyes widened, before he screwed them shut tightly once more at the sound of Soonyoung’s half-serious moan. Things could and often escalated very quickly with them, and he knew that better than anyone. Before he could hear anything further he pulled a pillow around his ears and shook his head.

It wouldn’t be the first or last time this would happen. And yet, with his mind distracted, he became blissfully forgetful.

***

The day arrived with Seokmin at the most anxious he had ever been in his life. When he answered the door his smile felt forced even though he meant it to be genuine. Whether or not Minghao noticed, he said nothing.

Honey was ecstatic to meet the new person, circling around Minghao with a thousand kisses to give, and to Seokmin’s delight Minghao proved to be quite the dog person.

He walked around as if he was on sacred ground, his eyes drinking in the decor, the furniture, anything he could see he wanted to take in. His fingers dragged along the countertops of the kitchenette, finally letting his gaze fall on Seokmin who had his back to him, reaching into the cabinets above the sink.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked. Minghao could sense the nerves in his voice, and he wondered if there was anything about Seokmin that wasn’t endlessly endearing.

“I’d love one.”

Seokmin looked over his shoulder to smile warmly at him. It made Minghao’s heart twist, but there was nothing painful about the way Seokmin made him feel.

“Are you a coffee or tea kinda guy?”

“Tea, green if you have it,” Minghao replied, reaching down to scratch the top of Honey’s head. As if Seokmin needed anything else to make him more perfect than he already was, he had to have a dog on top of it all.

“Anything in it?” Seokmin asked, pulling out a couple boxes. Minghao shook his head and Seokmin smiled and turned his back to him again to get their drinks ready.

It gave Seokmin time to steel himself, however fruitless that attempt might have been, though the process of making tea managed to ease his nerves somewhat.

They made their way to the living room to sit down, and Honey immediately jumped up to rest her head on Minghao’s lap, which made both of them laugh.

“Your place is so nice, Seokmin,” Minghao said, his voice a little awestruck. The more he looked around, the more nervous Seokmin got. He knew for a fact that everything was hidden away in his closet, something he’d made triple sure of, but his heart was still beating at a pace that could rival a rabbit. When Minghao finally met his eyes again he felt it stop for a second, though that was just the effect he had on him.

“It’s a shame I haven’t been able to see it earlier,” he said with a shy smile, his finger tracing the line of the mug’s handle.

His eyelids lowered, and before Seokmin knew it Minghao was leaning in, his mouth parting as they got closer. As if by mere proximity, Seokmin’s brain fizzled out and stopped working, in spite of how many times they’d kissed before. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“I’m a camboy!” Blurting it out was not his plan, but unfortunately he had a great habit of acting on impulse and ignoring any carefully-laid plans he’d meticulously crafted.

As much as he was afraid of seeing Minghao’s reaction, he forced himself to look at him out of the corner of his eye. Minghao was staring at him with an unreadable expression, his face blank and lips still parted in preparation to kiss him. After what felt like an eternity, wherein Seokmin wondered if Minghao had even heard him, he spoke.

“You’re a camboy?”

Seokmin’s grip on his mug tightened, laughter bubbling up in his throat even though this was far from comical. He looked away from Minghao and swallowed, licked his lips, and then swallowed again.

“Yeah,” he replied, his voice tight. Suddenly, Minghao burst out laughing, and Seokmin felt his heart drop.

“Is that it? Oh my god Seokmin, I was afraid you were going to tell me you’d killed someone!”

When he noticed Seokmin’s pained expression he stopped laughing and set their mugs down to take Seokmin’s hands, his expression softening.

“Hey, I’m not laughing at you being a camboy, promise,” he explained. “I’d never judge you for that, that’s not who I am.”

The wave of relief that washed over Seokmin was overwhelming. He couldn’t stop his eyes from tearing up, and though he cursed himself for being so quick to cry, Minghao just tipped his head towards him and wiped away his tears. The whole time, he never stopped smiling at Seokmin, which only made him cry more.

“I get why you were worried about telling me, Seokmin. There are some real pricks out there.” Seokmin let out a small huff of laughter, and he squeezed Minghao’s hands tighter. “But I’m not one of them.”

Seokmin didn’t know what to even say. He couldn’t speak anyway, not with his tears choking him up. It was better than he could have ever hoped, he was almost afraid he was dreaming the whole thing. They stayed like that until his tears finally stopped, with Minghao rubbing the backs of his hands with his thumbs and Honey licking his thigh.

“Thank you,” he managed, and in response Minghao leaned in and finally kissed him.

“Um, do you do it here?” Minghao asked, slowly and carefully. Seokmin’s eyes darted to the direction of his bedroom and he cleared his throat. He should have expected that he would be curious after finding out.

“Uh, yeah. Usually on the weekends.” Seokmin felt embarrassed talking about it, which struck him as odd considering how often they’d had sex. It shouldn’t have been as awkward as it was.

“Can I… see?”

Might as well not delay the inevitable. Seokmin led him to his room and gestured for him to sit on his bed. Minghao eyed it for a moment and sat down, keeping his hands in his lap. There was something so surreal about what was happening, and Seokmin almost felt like he was watching himself from outside his body as he walked over to his wardrobe and opened its doors.

Minghao’s eyes peered past him inside, though there wasn’t much interesting aside from the hanging clothes that he could see. He watched Seokmin take a deep breath, and then he opened the door further and ducked down to pull out a bin. He knew his harnesses and crops would definitely be visible to Minghao now seeing as how they’d be hard to miss hanging on the inside of the doors, but he tried to ignore the hot wash of embarrassment as he straightened up and brought the bin over to the bed.

When he handed it to Minghao he took it with careful hands, setting it in his lap to pry of the lid. He let out a soft gasp and looked up at Seokmin.

“You use all these?” Seokmin nodded, averting his eyes.

“Is this why you didn’t want me to come over?” Again, Seokmin nodded. He felt Minghao’s hand curl around his wrist.

“You know, this is why you should have invited me over sooner,” Minghao said with a grin. Seokmin would be lying if he told himself that didn’t make his stomach flip, feeling his ears start to burn.

“Hey.” Seokmin looked down at Minghao, whose voice had gone soft again. “It’s out now, you told me, and I’m okay with all this.”

He set the box down to stand up and hug Seokmin, pulling him in tight and surprising him with the sudden contact. It took him a second to really react and hug him back, the threat of tears pricking at his eyes. He should have known he wouldn’t be able to get through the confession without crying multiple times, but he had been much more prepared to be crying alone rather than in someone’s arms.

“Does anyone else know?” Minghao asked, his knuckles rubbing soothing circles in the middle of Seokmin’s back.

“Just a couple close friends.” He didn’t mention that they were also sex workers, but he figured Minghao didn’t really need to know that.

“Are you ashamed of it?” Minghao asked, leaning back to meet his eyes.

At first he had been. He couldn’t count how many times he wondered just what the hell he was even doing in the beginning, why he let Soonyoung and Jeonghan convince him he should try it out. He had been uncomfortable at first letting himself go and getting off in front of an audience, and it took awhile for that feeling to subside. But not anymore- now he was more confident, and had no issue with the work he did. The issue came from others, not himself, and he’d rather not risk facing confrontation or judgment when it wasn’t necessary.

“No, I don’t have a problem with it. It’s usually other people that do,” he replied, wiping at his eyes. Minghao nodded, reaching up to brush Seokmin’s bangs back.

Seokmin took a moment to look at Minghao- to really look at him. Thinking back to the night at the bar he never imagined that this would be the first person aside from Soonyoung and Jeonghan that he’d tell his biggest secret to. That night he never dreamed that Minghao would be more than a one night stand... or two. Warmth bloomed in his chest as he ran his eyes over the soft lines of Minghao’s face, a warmth he was starting to get used to. When Minghao noticed he was being observed he stopped playing with Seokmin’s hair and stared back, a smile curving on his lips.

“What’s up?” he asked, his heart jumping at the sight of Seokmin watching him with so much adoration in his eyes.

“I know it might be a weird time, but it’s definitely later.” He paused, letting out a small laugh. “About the whole fuckbuddy thing...”

Minghao laughed and pressed his lips together, ducking his head. His hands clasped behind Seokmin’s neck, tilting his head to the side as he looked back up to meet his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Well, I don’t think that suits us at all,” Seokmin said with a grin, a flush spreading across his face. Minghao’s pupils flickered as his smile spread wider, like he knew exactly what was coming next.

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Seokmin?”

Instead of answering, Seokmin pressed his lips to Minghao’s and pulled him closer. Neither of them could stop smiling, bumping their noses together as they tilted into the kiss. It left them both a little breathless, until Minghao pulled back just enough to speak, his lips still brushing against Seokmin’s as he did.

“That was nice, but I’d still like a yes or no.”

Seokmin laughed, light and airy, and peppered his lips with a thousand yeses.

***

It had only been a few days since Minghao had found out, but he was filled with a strange fluttering joy that he couldn’t quite understand. Maybe it was the thought that he was amongst the small few that Seokmin trusted enough with his secret, or maybe it was the fact that he now had a boyfriend. Or both. Either way he felt like he was soaring on a cloud.

Morning in his apartment wasn’t very eventful, and he sat at the island in the kitchen watching Joshua kiss Mingyu goodbye as he went out to do groceries. It was familiar, so normal and domestic, but he watched it with a fond smile on his face. He remembered when he used to watch them with a pang of longing, a twist to his heart for something like what they had. He smiled down into his cup. Not anymore.

When he looked back up Joshua was giving him a curious look, and his smile turned to a look of confusion. Joshua spared a glance towards the door he had just closed and locked, before making his way over to the island. Minghao’s shoulders felt tense all of the sudden, but he smiled at Joshua again. Before he got a chance to say anything, Joshua spoke over him.

“So I’ve been wondering why Seokmin looked so familiar to me,” Joshua started, keeping his eye on the door in case Mingyu suddenly came back for any reason. Minghao shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the feeling of uncertainty getting stronger.

“Is that so?” he replied, keeping his tone neutral. Joshua sensed the tension he had created and pulled up a stool, sitting down and offering Minghao and apologetic look.

“That probably came off really ominous, but I finally figured it out. It’s kinda been bugging me.” Minghao didn’t feel any more relaxed, and he scraped his nails over the raised pattern on his cup.

“I guess I should make it clear I have no problem with what he does- it was kind of just a shock to recognize a stranger because of his... profession.”

Minghao kind of wanted to be anywhere but in that conversation, but Joshua wasn’t done. He wasn’t letting Minghao get a word in edgewise either, not that he really knew how to respond.

“There’s this couple I watch, um, a lot,” Joshua laughed, rubbing his neck. “I saw him there, so I don’t really watch him, if that helps.” It didn’t. Minghao was at a total loss for words, even when Joshua stopped and looked at him for a reply. After a second he just kept going, looking away from Minghao.

“But I don’t have any issue with it! And uh, congratulations? I was rooting for you guys, me and Mingyu both. And don’t worry, I won’t tell him.”

He finally seemed like he was done, and at the very least he seemed as embarrassed as Minghao was. Minghao stared into his cup, inhaled deeply and then looked up at Joshua.

“Thanks,” he said, an awkward smile making its way onto his face. Joshua laughed, soft and airy, his ears tipped with red. “I’m glad you’re cool with it.”

“No problem!” And with that Joshua got up and retreated to his room, leaving the both of them a little unsure why or how they managed to have that conversation.

When Mingyu showed up later, whether he sensed the atmosphere or not, he made them both a dinner that they couldn’t even think to turn down and acted like it had never happened. They could always count on Mingyu to smooth things over, intentionally or not.

And in the future they would look back on it and laugh, more times than they could count.

***

Telling his friends was a whole other story, Seokmin discovered.

Seungkwan was incoherent, fragments of his sentences mixing together in the most tongue-tripping way, and Seokmin could only imagine the chaos that was currently reigning in his mind. Jihoon, for his part, looked calm. Almost too calm. The only indication he’d even heard what Seokmin had said was the slightest crease in his forehead, his eyes staring through Seokmin to the wall behind him.

“Are you okay, Jihoon?” he asked, keeping his voice as gentle as he could. Jihoon’s gaze focused enough for him to actually look at Seokmin, though he didn’t meet his eyes.

“Yeah sorry, it’s just a lot of things make sense now,” Jihoon said, looking everything like a man who’d gone into shock.

“Why aren’t you two reacting at all?” Seungkwan accused, finally managing to form a complete sentence only to point aggressively at Soonyoung and Jeonghan who were just calmly watching the confession unfold.

“Oh right, maybe we should have pretended to be surprised,” Jeonghan replied. Soonyoung opened his mouth in realization and nodded along.

“You knew?” Seungkwan exclaimed.

“Guess we might as well out ourselves too. Seokminnie isn’t the only camboy here.”

Jihoon went from frozen to pacing with his head in his hands in a matter of seconds. Seokmin figured he must be panicking and rose to stop him from running a rut into the hardwood, using his open palms and standing in front of him rather than grabbing his arms. Jihoon stared straight ahead, eye-level with his chest, his lips pressed into a hard line.

“Say something, Jihoon,” he pleaded, his voice soaked with worry. Jihoon went red so quickly he must have broken a record, and it only made Seokmin panic more.

“How do you three expect me not to go searching for your streams now?” he finally asked, his voice high and strained. Seokmin was stuck between being shocked and finding his reaction funny. And then he wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. The last thing he wanted was from his friends- aside from Jeonghan and Soonyoung- to watch him fuck himself on camera.

“You- what? No?”

“Oh Jihoonie, of course!” Soonyoung cooed over the chaos, throwing himself back on Jeonghan and laughing wildly. “We’ll even put on a special one just for you!”

That seemed to totally break Jihoon. He walked back over to the couch and sat down beside Seungkwan, his hand settling in his lap. He stared, unseeing into the wall behind Seokmin again.

“Why did it take you so long to tell us?” Seungkwan’s cheeks were a brilliant shade of pink, but he tried to keep his composure while he talked. It was obvious that the confession had come as a shock to him as well, but from his crossed legs and not-so-subtle glances below the belt Seokmin knew he at least wasn’t disgusted by the revelation.

“I was worried about your reaction,” he replied. And yet now, after telling them he felt free. He couldn’t count how many times he’d had to explain away things in his apartment when they came to visit, or the tense coil in his stomach anytime they would start to looking around in cupboards and bins and he couldn’t think of a good enough reason to tell them to stop. It was especially hard in the beginning to figure out excuses for why he had plans on the weekend that didn’t involve any of them and left him too busy to answer a single text. Now he didn’t have to fabricate white lies and excuses for his behavior, and quite honestly he almost felt like crying.

His only worry now would be trying to keep the two of them from becoming regular viewers on his streams.

“Of course we’d be supportive, right Jihoonie?” Seungkwan said, reaching out to grab Jihoon’s hand. Jihoon nodded, but if he had retained anything in the past five minutes Seokmin would be surprised. Seungkwan’s other hand came up to rub Jihoon’s back, and after a moment he blinked rapidly and lifted his head. He seemed more aware, much to Seokmin’s relief.

“Do you keep all your... stuff here?” Jihoon asked, looking around as if it were all kept it out in the open. Seokmin cleared his throat and pointedly avoided looking in the direction of his bedroom.

“Yes.”

“Would we be able to look at it?” Jihoon certainly was curious, and although it was somewhat cute and Seokmin kind of wanted to see how he’d react to his collection, he figured that was enough camboy talk for the day.

“Another time maybe,” he said. “I think you both need some more time to process this all.”

“You could always stop by our place and check out what we’ve got,” Jeonghan said. Soonyoung threw his head back in a cackling laugh, loud enough that Seokmin was starting to worry about the neighbours. Jihoon looked equal parts mortified and curious.

Seokmin looked around at them all and felt the gravity of the situation sink in. He’d told his boyfriend, and now his friends, and he’d met more support than he’d ever imagined. His heart seemed to catch in his throat, and as if he could detect it Seungkwan looked away from the chaos and met his eyes.

“Oh, Seokmin, please don’t cry! You’ll get me going,” he cried, flinging himself off the couch to wrap him in his arms. Soon after, two more pairs of arms encircled him, cooing in his ear about how much of a baby he was and how much they were proud of him. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, and in most cases his body would choose to do both. It wasn’t until he felt another body press against him in their group hug that he felt tears start to fall.

“You don’t have to cry,” Jihoon mumbled, his cheek pressed into Seokmin’s shoulder. “You’d actually have to do something terrible to get rid of us.”

To say Seokmin felt overwhelmed would be an understatement. He was one to feel the entirety of an emotion a lot of the time, so much that it overpowered him. And right now he couldn’t feel anything but joy, that along with a great sense of relief.

“Thank you guys. I mean it, you guys mean the world to me,” he said, sniffling through his tears.

Later, when Seungkwan and Jihoon left to go home it was just him alone with Jeonghan and Soonyoung. He turned away from the front door and was met with two brilliant smiles.

“We’re proud of you, Seokminnie,” Jeonghan said, rubbing his arm affectionately.

“It took a lot of courage to do that,” Soonyoung continued, his smile so wide it looked like it hurt. Seokmin ducked his head and laughed, running his hand through his hair.

“I’m glad I did it, at least now I won’t have to constantly make excuses for why I’m busy on the weekends.” It was more than just that and they all knew it, but what more could they say about the matter that hadn’t already been said. Jeonghan squeezed his arm, and his smile twisted a little more devilishly, which was always a bad sign.

“You know they’re going to look for your streams now though, right?”

***

Things didn’t change much. Seokmin’s life stayed the same normal it had always been before, only now he had a constant paranoia that any one of his viewers could be Seungkwan or Jihoon and he didn’t know. He tried not to let it affect his work too much.

Minghao gained a new confidence in the bedroom, considering he now knew that Seokmin was a pretty seasoned professional in all things kinky, which he liked to bring up often. And in spite of Seokmin’s initial embarrassment, he had to admit that his favourite discovery had been Minghao’s skills with a crop.

It was Saturday, and he was just setting up his lighting when Minghao walked in, keeping Honey from entering the room with his foot. He was dressed in an outfit not unlike the first night they met, and Seokmin let out a low whistle.

“You sure about this?” he asked. Minghao grinned.

“I’m sure.”

Seokmin smiled back and settled on the bed, and then reached out to start his stream, his heart beating in his ears.

“Hey everyone! I hope you’ve had a great night so far, because I have a bit of a surprise. Tonight I brought in a special guest...”


End file.
